Bonds That Build You Up: Key Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

By: Alisha MacIsaac - BSc, MACP, CCC

Relationships and connection are an essential part of what it means to be human. The strength of our relationships impacts our emotional well-being and overall quality of life. While many relationships can be positive and fulfilling, others have the potential to be challenging and detrimental. Understanding the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships can help us make better choices and foster more meaningful connections long-term. 

When we talk about relationships, it is important to remember that they extend far beyond romantic partnerships. Healthy relationships can be found in a variety of contexts, including friendships, family dynamics, and professional interactions. Whether  it is a close friend, a supportive family member, or a collaborative colleague, the foundations of equality, respect, and mutual support  are important to all types of relationships.

What Makes a Relationship Healthy?

Healthy relationships are characterized by several positive elements that contribute to mutual respect and emotional fulfilment: 

Respect and Appreciation: In healthy relationships, both people show genuine respect and appreciation for each other. They value  one another’s opinions, listen actively, and honour each other’s boundaries. This creates a supportive and nurturing environment where both individuals feel valued, and can thrive together.

Effective Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial for a healthy relationship. Both parties feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings, discussing issues, and resolving conflicts in a constructive manner. This helps build trust and understanding.

Support and Encouragement: Healthy relationships involve mutual support and encouragement. This looks like celebrating each other’s achievements, providing comfort during challenging times, and actively contributing to one another’s personal growth.

Shared Values and Goals: While differences are normal and expected, having shared values and goals can strengthen a relationship. Individuals often find common ground in their aspirations, interests, and life plans, which helps them work together towards mutual objectives and enjoy shared time.

Fairness and Negotiation: In healthy relationships, decisions are made through negotiation and compromise. Both parties are willing to discuss their needs and find solutions that work for both. Fairness in decision-making ensures that each person’s voice is heard and valued, promoting equality and mutual satisfaction.

Independence and Space: A healthy relationship allows each person to maintain their individuality and pursue their interests. Respecting each other’s need for personal space and independence contributes to a balanced and fulfilling connection.

Balanced Effort: When both people invest effort into the relationship, they contribute to its growth and stability. This balanced effort ensures that responsibilities and commitments are shared, and both individuals are equally engaged in maintaining the relationship.

Identifying Unhealthy Relationship Patterns

Unhealthy relationships can be harmful and sometimes dangerous to well-being, happiness, and overall relationship and life satisfaction. Recognizing these signs can help you address issues and seek support if needed:

Disrespect and Neglect: In unhealthy relationships, one or both parties may exhibit disrespectful behaviour, such as dismissing the other’s feelings, making hurtful comments, or failing to acknowledge the other’s needs. This lack of respect can erode trust and emotional safety.

Poor Communication: Communication problems, such as frequent misunderstandings, avoidance of difficult topics, or constant arguments, can indicate an unhealthy dynamic.

Imbalance in Effort: If one person consistently takes on more responsibilities or efforts in the relationship, it can lead to frustration and resentment. A balanced effort from both people is crucial for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

Frequent Conflict: While conflicts are natural, frequent or unresolved conflicts can  signify deeper issues in  a relationship. Persistent arguments and tension can strain the connection and lead to emotional distress. If left unaddressed, frequent conflict can also lead to more serious or potentially dangerous relationship concerns including emotional or physical abuse and violence. 

Control and Manipulation: Unhealthy relationships may involve attempts to control or manipulate one person’s behaviour, choices, or social interactions. This can lead to a power imbalance and is a sign of emotional and psychological abuse.

Threats and Intimidation: Use of threats or intimidation is a serious red flag in any relationship. This can include verbal threats, threats of physical harm, or any form of intimidation designed to control or coerce the other person. Such behaviour is a form of abuse and can create a harmful and unsafe environment.

Physical Violence: Any form of physical violence, whether hitting, pushing, or other forms of aggression, is an unequivocal sign of an unhealthy and abusive relationship. Physical violence undermines trust and safety, and it is crucial to seek help if you or someone you know is experiencing this.

✦ If you or anyone you know is experiencing any form of abuse or violence in relationships ✦

please reach out an access our emergency and crisis resources listed below

Steps to Foster Healthy Relationships

Building and maintaining healthy relationships involves intentional efforts from both individuals. Here are some practical steps to cultivate and nurture positive relationships:

1. Practice Active Listening: Make a conscious effort to listen to the other person’s thoughts and feelings without interrupting or judging. Active listening fosters mutual understanding and helps address concerns effectively.

2. Express Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude and appreciation for the other person’s contributions and qualities. Simple acts of kindness and acknowledgment can strengthen the bond and enhance overall satisfaction.

3. Set and Respect Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and respect the other person’s boundaries. Setting boundaries helps maintain personal space and ensures that both people feel comfortable and valued.

4. Work on Conflict Resolution: Develop healthy strategies for resolving conflicts, such as discussing issues calmly, seeking compromise, and focusing on solutions. Effective conflict resolution promotes a harmonious and supportive relationship.

5. Encourage Personal Growth: Support each other’s individual goals and interests. Encouraging personal growth helps both individuals feel fulfilled and contributes to a positive and dynamic relationship.

6. Promote Fairness: Ensure that decisions and responsibilities are shared fairly. Engage in open discussions to negotiate and find mutually satisfying solutions, and strive to maintain a balanced relationship where both voices are heard.

7. Share Responsibilities: In relationships where there are shared responsibilities, divide tasks in a way that works for both parties. This includes household duties, financial obligations, or emotional support. Sharing responsibilities helps prevent resentment and fosters a sense of support.

8. Seek Support if Needed: If you encounter challenges in your relationship, consider seeking guidance from a therapist. Professional support can provide valuable insights and tools for improving communication and resolving issues.

If you’re experiencing difficulties in your relationship or want to explore these concepts further, don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Our team at Building You is ready and waiting to help you strengthen relationships in all areas of your life!

✦ Reminder ✦ 

Domestic violence is a severe and harmful aspect of unhealthy relationships, characterized by physical violence, threats, and intimidation. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, it’s crucial to recognize that help and support are available. No one deserves to be in an abusive situation, and there are resources and professionals ready to assist you in finding safety and healing. For access to emergency and crisis resources, visit https://www.buildingyoucounselling.com/emergencyresources