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By: Alisha MacIsaac - BSc, MACP, CCC
Anxiety is our body’s natural response to stress, signaling us to be alert or to avoid perceived threats. While perfectionism itself is not an anxiety disorder, it is a common trigger for anxiety symptoms.
Perfectionism stems from the belief that your worth is tied to how well you perform. For those with perfectionistic tendencies, every task, interaction, or even thought, can become a source of anxiety. This is due to an underlying belief that any deviation from perfection will result in failure, rejection, disappointment, among other negative outcomes, creating a cycle of anxiety that feels difficult to break. While ambition and a strong work ethic can be desirable traits, the perfectionist mindset is more extreme, and does not allow space for learning, growth, or self-compassion.
By understanding the message behind these perfectionist thoughts and behaviours, we can begin to shift our perspective, allowing space for mistakes and learning, and cultivating a healthier relationship with ourselves. Recognizing that perfection is unattainable can help us embrace imperfection as part of what it means to be human. The tips below provide tools to challenge perfectionism and build a healthier, more balanced mindset.
What Your Perfectionism Is Trying to Communicate
By understanding what your perfectionism is trying to communicate, you can begin to address the underlying fears and beliefs that perpetuate your anxiety. Once you recognize these causes, you can work on shifting your perspective, and replacing perfectionism with more compassionate and realistic expectations. Perfectionism can be an indicator that you:
Fear Failure: If you are afraid of failure, perfectionism can feel like the only way to avoid it. The belief that if everything is perfect and nothing can go wrong can create a cycle where mistakes are punished rather than becoming experiences we can learn from.
Fear of Rejection: If you believe that anything less than perfect will result in disapproval, you may strive to achieve flawless performance to avoid being criticized or dismissed. This can be exhausting because no matter how much you achieve, it may never feel like it is enough.
Lack Self-Worth: For many, perfectionism is tied to feelings of inadequacy or low self-worth. The drive to be perfect can stem from a belief that you are not good enough as you are, and that you are not worthy of love, success, or respect unless you meet high standards.
Desire Control: Anxiety often arises when we feel like we lack control over a situation. Perfectionism is a defence mechanism that can create a sense of control, as it’s about managing every detail and anticipating the perfect outcome. However, this over-control can be paralyzing, leading to stress and anxiety when things don’t go according to plan.
Set Unrealistic Expectations: Perfectionism often involves setting impossible standards for oneself. These expectations may come from internal pressures or external influences, like societal expectations or family dynamics. No matter how hard you try, if the bar is set too high, you are bound to experience anxiety when you inevitably fall short.
Practical Tips to Work on Perfectionism
Overcoming perfectionism takes time, but with patience and consistency, you can build a healthier relationship with yourself. Here are some tips to help:
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is one of the most effective ways to challenge perfectionism. Being kind to yourself, especially in moments of failure, can significantly reduce anxiety. Try to replace self-critical thoughts with self-compassionate ones. Instead of saying, “I should have done better,” try saying, “I did the best I could, and it’s okay to make mistakes.”
✦ There are simple things you can do daily to cultivate self-compassion, including writing down three things you appreciate about yourself, or taking time each day to engage in positive self-talk. Acknowledge that you are worthy of love and acceptance, even when you don’t meet your own standards.
Focus on the Process, Not Just the Outcome
Rather than focusing on the end result, try to enjoy and appreciate the process. Whether it’s completing something for work or taking steps toward a personal goal, take time to recognize the effort and learning involved. Shifting your focus from results to the experience can reduce the pressure you put on yourself and decrease anxiety.
✦ At the end of the day, take a moment to think about one thing you appreciated or found meaningful in your efforts, even if the task isn’t complete. For instance, “I felt creative while brainstorming ideas today.”
Set Realistic Expectations
In the pursuit of perfection, individuals often set goals that are almost or completely unattainable, and can then feel disappointed and ashamed when they fall short. Setting realistic expectations means being honest about what is achievable, given your time, energy, and resources.
✦ Start by asking yourself, “What would an outcome that I could accept look like?” For example, focus on completing tasks to a standard you feel proud of, rather than aiming for the outcome to be perfect.
Reframe Failure
Perfectionists tend to view failure as a reflection of their worth. However, failure is not a judgment of your value as a person—it is an essential and unavoidable part of the learning process.
✦ When something doesn’t go as planned, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” and “How can I approach this differently in the future?” rather than focusing on what went wrong.
Connect with Your Values
Perfectionism often stems from a deep desire to meet the expectations of others, whether it’s parents, teachers, colleagues, or societal expectations. But, when you are constantly chasing external validation, it is easy to lose sight of what truly matters to you. This disconnect can leave you feeling unfulfilled even when you meet those expectations. Instead, take time to reflect on your core values. What is important to you? What kind of life do you want to build? When your actions align with your values, rather than the standards imposed by others, you are more likely to find meaning and satisfaction in what you do.
✦ The next time you notice evidence of your perfectionism, pause and ask yourself, “Am I doing this because it’s meaningful to me, or because I’m afraid that others will judge me?”
If perfectionism and anxiety are impacting your life, seeking support from a professional can be incredibly helpful. Our team at Building You is ready and able to support you explore the deeper meaning behind your perfectionism and work with you to create healthier patterns of thinking. Contact us to learn more!