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By: Jehan Mawani - MSW, RSW, BSW, B.Ed., B.A.
Often when we hear the words emotional maturity, we think of a final destination of emotional growth that has been reached, where a person handles every situation with grace and maturity. However, the reality is that emotional maturity is an ongoing journey of self-reflection, which includes awareness, empathy, and intentional responses. Emotionally mature individuals have the ability to acknowledge and navigate their feelings with clarity, respond thoughtfully, and adapt to life’s ongoing changes and challenges.
Since this process is ongoing, how can we continue to develop this skill and why is it important that we do?
What is Emotional Maturity?
It is the ability to understand and manage emotions in healthy and constructive ways. This means not ignoring and suppressing feelings, but instead acknowledging and processing them so that we can appropriately respond. Emotional maturity requires self-awareness to identify what we are feeling and understand the ‘why’ behind these feelings. It also requires the ability to self-regulate, where we are able to pause, reflect, and choose an appropriate response to our feelings thereby avoiding impulsivity. Empathy, or the ability to connect to another human’s emotions, is another important component, as it allows us to see things from another person’s perspective. Finally, emotional maturity takes adaptability to adjust our emotional responses based on the situation presented to us.
Why is Emotional Maturity Important?
We go through so many changes during adulthood including those in relationships, parenting, career shifts, and navigating social environments. All of these changes require us to have the ability to manage our emotions, as well as the emotional climate of those around us. Emotional maturity is key to making appropriate decisions and maintaining healthy relationships.
Imagine a time where you, or someone you know, has engaged in a conflict which escalated because one person had an emotionally charged or impulsive reaction. Imagine if, in that moment, that person had taken the time to emotionally pause, reflect, and act appropriately. Do you think this would have changed the outcome of the situation? Many times, practicing emotional maturity has the power to transform arguments or misunderstandings, into appropriate discussions and opportunities for growth.
What Are Signs of Emotional Maturity?
You may have come across people in your life that do not exhibit signs of emotional maturity. But how did you know that was the case?
Here are some tell-tale signs that someone is displaying emotional maturity:
They Take Responsibility of Their Emotions: Emotionally mature adults recognize that their own feelings are their own responsibility. Because of this, they take ownership and avoid blaming others for how they feel. This allows them to reflect internally, understand the root of their emotions, and communicate their feelings effectively (see tips below!).
They Demonstrate Patience and Delay Gratification: Emotionally mature adults know that things will not happen instantly, and that patience is a virtue. Usually, they know that impulsivity will not yield the best outcomes. including negatively impacting relationships, and will take the time to make a well thought out decision. They recognize the need to pause, and practice this in their relationships.
They Own Their Vulnerability and View it as a Strength: Emotional maturity does not mean an individual is always strong, or always ‘has it all together’. It actually means the opposite – being comfortable in a vulnerable state. Emotionally mature adults will admit feeling hurt, unsure, or scared, and acknowledge their mistakes, even when faced with uncomfortable outcomes. This honesty with themselves and others allows deeper and more authentic relationships to flourish.
They Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries: Emotionally mature adults understand their values and beliefs and can communicate their limits based on these. They can respect their own needs without feeling guilty and honour the boundaries others set with them without holding resentment. This results in mutual respect, honesty, trust, and safety in relationships.
They Adapt to Life’s Changes: Emotionally mature adults have the ability to navigate the highs and lows of life without becoming overwhelmed. They are able to allow themselves to feel associated emotions, such as disappointment or frustration, use setbacks as learning opportunities, and accept changes as a part of life. We all can become overwhelmed based on individual life changes and experiences, but having these tools prepares us to better manage these feelings.
Tips for Growing Emotionally
If you feel an inner need to boost your emotional maturity, and are open to embarking on a journey of self-discovery, here are some ways to start:
Practice Self-Reflection: We all need to take the time to personally reflect. Practicing daily reflection surrounding our emotional experiences can be helpful in recognizing and understanding our triggers, subsequent reactions, and repetitive patterns. This recognition contributes to building an overall sense of self-awareness. Using a Feelings Wheel or a Mood Meter and asking what we felt, why we felt that way, and how we responded can be supported with acknowledgement, reflection, and acceptance.
Practice Mindfulness: Focusing on the moment, and ensuring our mind and body are present, can help us to respond more thoughtfully and effectively. Mindfulness does not need to be carving out time for practice such as meditation, but it can merely be sitting with and acknowledging our present circumstances. Emotional maturity involves letting go of past grievances, as well as our fears about the future.
Challenge Impulsivity: Taking a moment to be alone, to breathe, and to reflect can support with assessing the situation prior to reacting impulsively. This pause can make all the difference in how we handle stressful events or high conflict situations.
Seek Support: Reaching out to a friend, family member, or your therapist for honest feedback can be helpful in identifying blind spots when it comes to emotions. Sometimes we may feel we have over-reacted or under-reacted, and this feedback can help us develop insight about our responses that we can use going forward.
Improve Communication: Altering our communication in a way where we are taking responsibility for our own emotions can be helpful in building emotional maturity. For example, using"I feel..." statements and expressing your needs can make all the difference not only on your journey to improving emotional maturity, but also in eliciting a less defensive response from the other person.
An example of this is: I felt hurt when you yelled at me, because I value compassionate communication.
Practice Empathy: Even when we don’t agree with someone else’s perspective, it is important to lean into, understand, and connect to the feelings behind this perspective. Acknowledging another person’s emotions can create a stronger connection.
Viewing emotional maturity as an ongoing skill we need to practice, refine, and strengthen over time can help us understand that we are all works in progress! Emotional maturity is about embracing both the joys and challenges of life with an open mind and being willing to learn from all our experiences. In a world that often encourages impulsive reactions and surface-level interactions, gaining a sense of emotional maturity can actually be a superpower! It allows us to make wiser decisions, build deeper and more meaningful relationships, and live with a greater sense of empathy and purpose.